A European Adventure

I find that on every trip, I take away a piece of whatever country I've visited. I come home more confident, enriched by the art and museums I've seen, and the glimpses of other people's lives, from cab drivers to restaurant waiters and hotel personnel. Something of theirs is now mine.

Last fall, my middle daughter Connie and I went to Europe for eight days, destination: London and Paris. Any companion could get me there and back, but I'm glad I chose my daughter. Granted, we're adult women, and there are bound to be disagreements, but it's a grand way to explore relationships beyond the mother/daughter stage.

We arrived in London, determined to see everything even though we had only three days. London was a first for both of us, and although Connie had never been abroad and this was my fifth trip, she handled herself like a pro. With her practical nature and unerring sense of direction, she quickly caught on to the Underground in England, whisking us from Harrod's to Trafalgar Square with nary a misstep. We bought day passes, so if we missed a stop, we could reverse our route with no extra charge.

Like any major city, London was pricey, but if you aren't extravagant, you can buy small remembrances at a multitude of shops. Our favorite "Mind the Gap" notice, lettered at every Underground stop refers to the space between the cars and the rails. We found cups, Christmas ornaments, magnets, and tees with the saying. We also delighted in saying -- and observing -- the Look Right signs that caution travelers unused to cars driving on the "wrong" side of the streets. Because our hotels in both cities offered a generous breakfast, lunch was minimal. To save money, we ate at local fish and chips shops and had pasties in Paddington Station. London is full of inexpensive ethnic restaurants, so we never went hungry.

Connie is focused and unrelenting, and she likes to be in charge. So do I, although my control over life has slipped a lot as I've gotten older. She tends to go overboard spending for relatives and friends back home. I'm much more frugal on trips, happy to come home with lots of photos, good memories, and maybe some candy for the grandchildren. I buy postcards; she takes photos. Even given our mutual quirks, we got on surprisingly well.

We shared not only cramped little rooms with narrow beds, but laughter and stories. I learned things about her that I hadn't known. I'm not sure if she learned anything new about me, but my relationship with my daughter was altered in a subtle way. We are still mother and daughter, but we are learning to embrace our differences. There is more awareness that we are also individuals.

On the long transatlantic flight, Connie fought her fear of flying. Because she wanted so much to see Europe, she managed to get over her initial panic. And I, with my overwhelming fear of heights, let her talk me into riding the London Eye, a huge Ferris-wheel-like monstrosity that takes you high above London to get a 360 degree view of the city. The Eye is a must-see, erected by British Airwaysto celebrate the Milennium.

In London, we took a day tour, seeing Trafalgar Square, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace and the Changing of the Guard, finishing with a cruise on the river Thames and a final stop at the Tower of London. Sure, it was hectic, and not at all in depth. But now Connie knows the feel and the pace of London. When she goes back (I hope with her daughters), she'll know where to spend her time.

In Paris, she conquered the Metro so adeptly other people asked her for directions, which pleased her no end. I've been to Paris so I knew what we absolutely had to see: the Louvre and Mona Lisa, the impressionist Musee d'Orsay, and Notre Dame and Sacrecoeur, towering high above the Paris skyline. She added her musts: the Eiffel Tower and the Arc de Triomphe, with a walk all the way down the broad sidewalks of the Champs Elysees. We did it all in two days, with stops at boulangeries and patisseries and little cafes to fortify ourselves. We people-watched like crazy, and chatted with travelers from all over the world.

It seems to me the secret to a good travel experience is to go with an open heart and mind, eager to see the beauty of each place you visit. We were so obviously in love with everything we saw, I'm sure that came across. In France, we shopped at local grocery stores, buying cheap wine, cheese and ham to take back to our room. An accommodating baker sliced a baguette in two for us, smiling and correcting my "au revoir" with "bon soir" as we left his shop. Both the French and the English were unfailingly pleasant and responsive to us.

I think Connie and I understand one another better after this trip. It was great fun to see how she looked at my favorite places. She preferred London over Paris, but she delighted in the marvels of the Louvre as I did. We were both awestruck by the Mona Lisa, although she went on to the Napoleon suite while I stood transfixed before the Degas sculptures of dancers.

Now we are back home, locked into our respective roles, but we've seen glimpses of another side to one another that I hope will endure.